The chapter on communication provided some ideas for improving communication. Are any of these ideas helpful to you? For the blog this week, make 1 post of 200 words or 2 of 100 words each.
You can describe how you plan to apply some of the ideas in this chapter to improving communication with your children, boss, friends or parents or anyone who is important in your life.
You can also read each scenario and use your knowledge of personality type to suggest ways to improve the communication. You can comment on one or more of the scenarios.
Scenario 1 (E and I):
Mary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
Scenario 2 (S and N):
A sensing type and an intuitive type are on a first date. What is each likely to talk about?
Scenario 3 (T and F):
Rachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
Scenario 4 (J and P):
Students in a business class are assigned as a group project to design a business plan. This is an evening class and has mostly adults who have busy schedules with work, family and school. Mike is a highly motivated student who wants to get the group organized and complete the project quickly. Mike is getting irritated at John because he cannot decide on a topic and get going. John keeps coming up with different creative ideas for the business plan. John is getting irritated at Mike because he thinks that Mike is trying to control the group. How can this group work together to complete a successful project?
After reading a few of the ideas on how to improve communication in the this week's chapter readings, there are many useful ways that I can improve better communication skills with people. One of the most important skills in good communication is good listening. For one thing I can not judge the other person's point of view to soon and have the ability to comprehede what, how, and why they feel or see the situation in the way that they do. Then I can have a better. more informative response to the discussion at hand. Also I should ask questions to make sure I understand what perspertive the other person in coming from.
ReplyDeleteFor my second blog entry, I would like to comment on scenario #2. If a sensing type and a intuitive type were on a first date I feel each would want to talk to the other about the following topics of discussion. The sensing type, would most likely want to talk about what is going on in the real world, they would want to discuss things such as, maybe the weather, what the current and widely known news story known at that time. The intuitive type may want to discuss topics the "what could be" for example, intuitives may want to discuss on what the majority of the population thinks about a certain topic of discussion rather than concentrating on the facts and details on the particular topic.
ReplyDeleteI plan on using many techniques in my life to help my family in many different ways. Communicating is very important and it can take some time. I will listen more often and carefully also. I will show my parents that I can understand what they are saying and meaning by my open mindset and my questions rather than assumptions and negative attitudes. I will teach my children to be good listeners and to think before they speak, and I also will teach them to ask questions when they do not understand, and to say positive and a good attitude when they are in those situations. Also I will continue to act this way so my friends will notice and they can maybe possibly pick up a few things from me, so over all we can all be more communicative and understanding of one another, with out judging or assuming anything of anyone with out understanding and listening first.
ReplyDeleteI am responding to scenario 1 I feel that they can improve their communication by Mary could try calming down and talking to carol in a way that doesn’t sound intimidating. Since Mary is an extrovert she is probably used to being very direct and expressive but carol is not like that because she is an introvert. carol might feel like she is being attacked because Mary is yelling. I think Mary should try to put her feeling in a way that does not cause carol to become defensive and try to leave the situation. Carol might not like being talked that way so they both should try sitting down and talking the matter out.
ReplyDeleteI am responding to scenario 3. I think that Rachael is the type of person that needs to hear the feeling of other people to know how their feeling. Jim on the other hand would rather just show someone how he was feeling. Rachael and Jim could improve communication by trying harder to express their love towards each other. I think Jim just assumes that Rachael knows he loves her but Rachael questions that if she doesn’t hear the exact words. I think they could try talking to each other and Jim could explain that he is better at showing that he loves her rather then always saying I love you. I think if Rachael knew that Jim is better at actions than words then maybe she would not be so upset that he does not say I love you all the time.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is at the age when everything I tell her is wrong; according to her I don’t understand her, I am always picking on her. Though we all pass through this stage, it is different when you are the parent. It is harder doing the talking than listening, finding the correct words that she will understand. This chapter has given me some good ideas to improve our communication. A recent issue we had was regarding her homework. I had received a notice saying she was missing assignments. Before I would talk to her on our way home and already frustrated with the day of work and heavy traffic, we would argue instead of talk calmly. This time all I said was “I received a notice from school about your assignments; we will talk when we get home”. The time it took us to get home, we both had time to relax from a long day and think about what each was going to say. When we arrived home, I asked her to sit down and asked for her reasons. I listened till the end, making no comment. After giving her my thoughts about the issue we discussed what steps would be taken to solve it. Talking calmly, we were able to solve it without getting into an argument and prevent unneeded headaches.
ReplyDeleteRachel and Jim have been married about a year. Rachel complains to Jim that he never says, "I love you" anymore. Jim replies that he would not have married Rachel if he didn't love her. How can they improve communication?
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think in a relationship we have to resolve things and conflicts out talking and not complaining. When in a relationship one of them starts complaining the other takes the negative side of the situation. I believe that the most important things in a relationship is; communication, understanding and respect. When we don't like something in our relationship first we need to assessed to see what is happening and then we can see more clear how we can do to improve the situation. After trying this way and not have any changes or results, we can talk with our husband-wife that we wishing to have a conversation to see how can work together to improve the relationship.
The most important thing in a relationship is to talk and express their feelings in a respectful way and not giving complaints or fighting. Always maintain respect and we need to know how to maintain the point of view of the other person.
Carrie Ducharme
ReplyDeleteScenario 1 (E and I):
Mary and Carol are roommates and are discussing paying bills for the apartment that they share. Mary is upset because Carol paid the phone bill late. The more that Mary talks, the quieter Carol becomes. This causes Mary to become even more upset. Mary starts talking in a loud voice and Carol leaves the room. How can they improve communication?
First the roommates needs to stop talking about the issue until each is calm and able to discuss the issue without getting upset or make the other person upset. Mary and Carol need to agree on ways to communicate with each other based on their different personality types. They first need to respect each and understand that they are not always going to agree with each other. Mary needs to express herself in a way that Carol understands how important it is to Mary the bills are paid on time. Carol needs to learn how to communicate with Mary if she is unable to make time to pay phone, so Mary can make the choice to pay it for them. They need to agree to communicate with each other one either one feels uncomfortable with how the other is handling the situation. The roommates to come to common ground and work together. They don't have to be best friends but they have to work as a team to work through issues. I had a very similar issue when I had a roommate right out of high school. My roommate always paid out rent late until I took it over from her when we received our final notice from the landord. I had to sit my roommate down and explain that I thought it might be easier on her if I paid the rent for us. She was a really busy person working 2 jobs and went to school full-time, I personally just think she had too much on her plate. After I took it over along with the other bills, she came to me and thanked me stating she needed the help and thanks!
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ReplyDeleteScenario 1 (E and I)
ReplyDeleteIn regards to this particular situation it’s obvious that Mary is the extravert and Carol is the introvert. Mary is someone who finds talking easy, at times she might dominate the conversation. While Carol on the other hand needs quit for concentration, she may want to rehearse what she is going to say before she says it. When faced with conflict and in this case a situation with her roommate Mary has a tendency to talk louder and fast. Seeing that Carol remains quite only makes Mary more upset, which in turn leads to Carol leaving the room. The reason for why Carol leaves the room is because she needs time to think about the situation and go over her response. Both of them should be mindful not say or use anything that might hinder effective communication. Barriers to effective communication include criticizing, name-calling and labeling, and especially ordering or commanding. When someone calls another person out of their name they are using that to bring more value to their own life. To improve communication Mary should give Carol time to think/reflect and then respond. Some time should be set aside (a time that is good for both of them) to discuss the issue calmly and rationally. When all is said and done there needs to be a compromise, both parties need to make sacrifices if they want to resolve the situation.
One way I can use this chapter to help improve my communications is to follow the list of suggested steps while disengaging an argument. Firstly, I should always try to set aside a time to talk about serious issues, instead of talking things out while emotions and tempers are high. Secondly, I should use "i" statements, for example instead of saying "you're not making any sense" I should say "I don't understand." Another thing that would be helpful for me, would be to find alternative solutions because I do sometimes have problems with compromising. Lastly, I need to actually practice the solutions that are decided upon.
ReplyDeleteI am replying to scenario number three:
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of one of my best friends and her boyfriend. My friend gets annoyed because she says her boyfriend hardly tells her she is pretty anymore, and he tells her she should already know that he thinks she is pretty. I think the problem in this situation is that Rachel is thinking more emotionally, but Jim has more of a logical thinking pattern. Rachel likes hearing he loves her because it makes her FEEL good, and Jim doesn't THINK it needs to be said as often because he believes if she thinks logically she would know he wouldn't be married to her if he didn't love her. This is a typical misunderstanding, and could be easily solved with more effective communication.
I recommend that they schedule a time to talk about bills. This will probably help because it is advance notice that will particularly help the “I type person” and each one will be prepare to talk. I also recommend that they agree that each one will take turns on talking and give each equal opportunity to talk and they will not leave until the conversation is over. They can agree to use “I” statements and not raise their voice. If that technique does not work, perhaps they can both agree on bringing a mutual friend that they both agree that will be neutral to facilitate the conversation. They may approach the conversation about all the bills. They can create a simple table of all the utility bills; this can include who is responsible for paying the bills and include the due date. Now days, it is easy to pay bills online on the due date and or schedule a payment or set it up as auto pay. They can review the various options available to them and see what works best for their financial situation. I will also recommend that the bill be on the name of the person responsible for paying the bill that way it does not affect the other person’s credit history.
ReplyDeleteJeffrey Miller
ReplyDeleteA sensing type and an intuitive type are on a first date. What is each likely to talk about?
The sensing type is more likely to focus on the things that are going around them. They will comment on the weather, time of day, and that sort of thing. If they're going to a restaurant the sensing will talk about the quality of the res truant, how good the food tastes, the waiter, etc. Similarly in a movie they'll probably comment on how the theater is cold, dark, the quality of movie, etc. While the intuitive type will focus more on what they think. So, maybe they'll bring up a dream they had, or an interesting idea. They'll discuss the philosophy of the movie, and that sort. They may bring up outside ideas like their religions, their options, and that sort. The sensing type will also ask questions about the intuitive type such as their favorite color, movie, etc. They'll want to know more details about the person, while the intuitive type will be more interested in what they're thinking about.
A little off topic, but another thing about that will vary between them is the time of arrival. The sensing type will be more reliable and show up at least on time if not a little early to the date at the restaurant, movie, etc. They will be thinking about when they need to get the tickets, when to ask for a table, rather than just when they're going to start. The intuitive type will be less interested in a specific and may get sidetracked and show up a little bit late to the date, and forget about the little details such as getting tickets.
My first comment is going to be on scenario one. Mary and Carol can improve their communication by: first, Mary needs to allow Carol to respond to her and by her speaking louder will not make things any better. Mary should explain her emotions calmly and with words that are not hurtful to Carol’s feelings. Carol and Mary need to sit down and discuss how they are going to manage paying their bills on time so no late payments would happen and nobody will get upset. By using the right communication skills the communication between Mary and Carol would improve.
ReplyDeleteScenario 3 (T and F):
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to this scenario; my boyfriend and I have a problem that is very similar to this one. He never makes his feelings clear, and I wonder if he even wants to be with me. I waited a very long time to approach him about this issue, and when I finally did he told me that, if he didn’t want to be with me he wouldn’t. In situations like these I feel like couples should try fixing both of their communication skills. Rachel should tell Jim, “I wish you would tell me I love you more because it makes me feel better.” She should approach the situation without attacking him or starting an argument. She should just tell him her feelings and maybe he would start telling her he loves her more. I approached my boyfriend the wrong way and the whole thing ended up in an argument. It is more beneficial to just tell the other person what your feelings are, and why the problem is bothering you. Rachel could also tell Jim, “I would like it if you told me I love you more that would make me feel special.” Or something else like that, so Jim knows why she wants him to do that. Jim can also improve his communication skills by making his feelings for his wife more known. If he doesn’t like saying he loves her all the time, he can always just do nice gestures that show her that he loves her.
-Vanessa Lathan
My second blog is going to be on how I am planning on applying the ideas in this chapter on my communication. I am the kind of person that talks and can get loud. I am planning on applying the improving communication ideas that were mentioned in the chapter by first allowing the person that I am having a conversation with a chance to talk and respond. I need to improve the “blaming”. I always blame someone for something that they did and I did not like. I need to use the “I” skill and not the “you”, because that way I am just upsetting the other person more and not having any improvements or any changes happening.
ReplyDeleteArnulfo Chavarin
ReplyDeleteIt is not my intention to offend anyone with my post: it is a personal response to the first question. God, who I believe is Jesus Christ, is the most important in my life. There have been times I have had a good relationship with Him, but sometimes I lose that connection and find myself feeling miserable; without hope, helpless, and distraught. Furthermore, at times, I have been misunderstanding and would rather much just do what I want to or what I think is best without consulting Him first. As I have learned from studying chapter 10, being dominant in any relationship will not yield the best results, it is a win-lose situation. What I have found interesting in this chapter is the “language of responsibility,” I have made far too many “you” statements contrast to “I” statements. I would put too much emphasis on God’s accountability rather than myself. For example, I would pray for an upcoming test, “I leave this in Your hands,” instead of being like: I will study to the best of my ability and God’s will be done. I have learned from past experiences not to blame God, and I am still learning. I still need to be more receptive, loving, and understanding: a good listener.
There are so many ways that I can improve communication but the most important one is to think before I talk. I often find myself regretting what I have just said or more importantly how I said it. This chapter explains the importance of how feelings are expressed and when the right time is to say them. I believe it’s very important to cool off when you are angry about something and then think about it what you are going to say. It helps a lot and causes fewer problems in the long run.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely improve my communication with my fiancé and I can react in a different manner when he expresses his feelings or problems. I read this chapter that often when people open up to you it is not a good idea to give advice or criticize. I have experienced that when he tells me things instead of just listening I give feedback. I have learned that I should not give feedback all the time and that sometimes people just want to have someone to listen to them. I also admit that I like to have things my way and that in functional relationships things do not work that way. Compromising is definitely something I can handle and will implement in my life. I will use more “I” statements instead of offending “you” statements to express my feelings. I know that this will bring much more positive outcomes and save me a lot of lost mad time.
Debora Barreto
ReplyDeleteScenario 1
Considering this two opposites types of personality I think Mary should take a break and listen what Carol have to say. The extrovert tend to talk, talk talk and forget that other people have things to say. Because Carol is a introvert she needs time to think before she formulates what she wants to say. On the other hand Mary can express herself using different words and shouldn't raise her voice. Since they have to live with each other Carol should try verbalize more her thoughts so Mary can have an idea of what goes on on her mind instead of trying to guess and making wrong decisions.
Debora Barreto
ReplyDeleteScenario 2
That would be a very interesting date. The S would talk about the news, the weather, things that are realistic and concrete. On the other hand the N will try to analyze every subject they are talking about reading between the lines and engaging a complicated, imaginative, deep conversation. When the date is over the S is more like to remember every detail of the date, food, the restaurant walls color, the servers name, what was the third thing the N said (rs…) The N will go home thinking about the date, projecting the future, imagining how it will be.
im replying to scenario 3
ReplyDeletei feel like you dont always have to tell the person that you love them specially if you guys are already married. you can always show that you love the person by going outof your way to do something for her, for example taking her out to dinner or buying her a suprise, or bring her flowers at her job. however, i understand how she enjoys hearing that he loves her so instead of attacking him with that statment she should tell him that she likes it when he tells her that he loves her and makes her feel better. i believe that some poeple just dont like it to tell ppl that they love them every single day some people would rather show it. and she needs to understand that. they both need to improve their communication skills a lot so they dont argue every single time about those little things.
im replying to scenario 1
ReplyDeletei think they need to comminucate way better, mary should tell carl to step up a little more and speak up because he cant be paying the bill late. and mary should understand that people do not like to argue so they would rather just walk out the room if it starts to get loud or out of hand. they should also discuss their money isues maybe one of them becomes short one month and if this problem continues then they should look for diffrent roomates
This chapter opened my eyes to my attitudes that I can get with certain people from time to time... I have gained less and less patients with my Mom and Boyfriend and have been focusing most of my time on my son and what I want... I need to open my eyes and really listen to them and stop trying to be the one that's right about everything. If I was to do this then I think that the arguments could get less and less and if I keep an open ear to them then they will feel less stressful overtime because they could have someone to let it out to, that mainly goes for my Mother because my boyfriend and I have pretty good communication skills. Something that I need to do more with my boyfriend is give him space and time to think after each argument. I'm always trying to get the last word and I am trying to calm that down. Even if I think I'm the one that's right, I have to put my thoughts aside, but not forget my meanings, and listen to what they have to say. Once we all calm down we would be able to come to an understanding about things and a reasonable agreement to solve the problem. This can meet both side's and can create a win-win situation.
ReplyDelete